“I left to find a better job!”
When is a lie no longer a lie and just an excuse.
Woosah!
I’m writing this for me and hopefully for some lost child that is still holding on to hope that one day their parent will come back to them. I think this may be the hardest post that I will ever write and post. I’ve been writing this post mentally for years now but on paper for about 4 months. It’s still a hard thing to understand but I had to accept the apology that I never received in order to move forward with a happy, positive life.
I’m sighing and taking deep breaths because this isn’t the life any child deserves or wants. At least this isn’t the life that I wanted. Every child deserves both parents.
I think it’s time for me to publicly face the elephant in the room, the one that slowly tries to come back, the one that is secretly trying to hold on to me, the one that didn’t deserve to be a parent at all. I can’t talk for all parents but I can speak for mine. The absent one that I had, that is. I wouldn’t trade anything for the experiences that my life has taught me. However that sorry no good father of mine he needs to understand that you can’t openly deny your child and then turn around years later and act like nothing happened, to act like my health wasn’t important.
My Truth
The issue that took the cake for me. If and when I ever call someone or reach out to you for help, I’m not reaching to use anyone. I honestly need help. So I was going through a rough patch and in all honesty I had made plans to see things through and work out a plan to have this paid for but I wanted to see what his response would be if I asked for help to pay for a medical procedure that I really needed to have done. His response was ‘I’ll see what I can do.’ (In my mind I knew he wasn’t going to come through, that’s why I had a plan A).
Keep in mind, I reached out to him before my health issue to try and build a relationship years before any of this happened but it just didn’t work out so by accident I still had his number in my phone. Yes I’ve had many health scares, this was years before the celiac discovery. I find out years later that his girlfriend at the time told him not to help me because all I wanted was his money. My health didn’t matter to him then or now because no person will intentionally hurt their child to keep someone else happy and he knew the money was for a medical procedure. Some dirty mess right? I think so too.
See you don’t hurt someone intentionally and then continue to hurt the person like it wasn’t your fault. Own up to your mess, apologize and keep it moving. No that didn’t happen.
Kids stop beating the dead horse. If your parents don’t want to act right and claim you. Remember their loss and not yours. It’s going to take time and healing but one day you will forgive for yourself and move on. See I played this game for far too long because I thought every child needed both parents, unfortunately in my case it wasn’t meant that way. I tried, I really tried. The countless times that I reached out and every time the same story, an excuse. His excuse, ‘I left to find a better job.’ I’m not even going to tell you what kind of job he has. But yet you didn’t come back until I was completely finished with high school. (How does that justify your actions? Abandonment is a charge and you should be persecuted to the fullest extent.)
He’s probably somewhere reading this thinking that he had a part in my growth as a person, child, adult and he did but not in the way that he should have. I hope that if you are reading this that you understand this part: You do not get to come back into my life and try to reverse something that had a permanent affect on my life. You made your bed so now you have to lie in it. The day you decided that your girlfriend was more important than your OWN child’s health is the day that you no longer mattered to me, as hard as that sounds to some it’s even harder for your parent to deny you getting better because he thought I only wanted his money. Even though the hurt was real I forgave you because my life and happiness matter. I am my mother’s daughter.
People don’t know the things I struggled with every day in my mind because I always wondered, ‘did he really love me?’ You had one job and one job only and that was to be a better parent to your kids than your own father was to you, but no you got it wrong as well. One of the worst things you can ever do to your own child is to ruin them emotionally, bruises heal but words will never go away. This is my journey and I’m so glad that I took it back.
Let’s Talk!
I am a fatherless daughter but that doesn’t define my life.
Being a fatherless daughter you gain a backbone to block mess at the door, at least I have. For a while it was a mental crutch for me because I thought something was wrong with me. The things you learn when you let go and start living the life that you deserve. Stop worrying and comparing yourself to other people. You are uniquely you and that in itself is enough for anybody.
Are you a fatherless daughter? Fatherless son? Motherless daughter? Motherless son? Is your parent in the same town and has never acknowledged you? Is your mother or father your next door neighbor? These things are too real. I’m not a parent but I can’t imagine not playing a part of the life of someone that should be so important to you. These things don’t define what our lives will be like unless you are holding a grudge. It’s time to live the life that you love without worrying about the what ifs or the could have beens. It’s time to take your life back from those that don’t value you.
You were given the life that you have because you are strong enough to live it.
This is me releasing this issue into the universe. I’m releasing this from my life, my heart, my soul and my feelings. I never knew how long it actually weighed on my heart until now. I’m so glad I can finally speak on this without getting emotional and that means I have gained strength from it. I am now free. Free from feeling like I wasn’t enough for my father to love me or to play a positive role in my life. Thank you for stopping by.
Until next post, with open arms!
Xoxo,
Kjoywrites
©2016 Kjoywrites
Your post brought me to tears. My Dad is my best friend I have no clue what it feels like no to have had him in my life.
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It was definitely something that I kept inside for so long as a child but my mom is definitely my best friend. It takes a lot to release such raw emotions but it’s time for the world to know. A weight off my shoulders.
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Truly touching story. You were never fatherless though. You had and have a father in Heaven all along. He placed people in your life to help you along the way…without your earthly father. You made it. Never look to man, Man will always fail you. Look to God, he will see you through. Just seek God. You will be fine.
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This is true as well but as a child you don’t fully understand things until you are an adult. Some things don’t make sense as a child but I fully understand my journey now. Thanks for reading.
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I too am an ‘earthly’ fatherless daughter and totally feel you and just as you have done I’ve been writing my story over and over in my mind for years. Thanks for sharing hun… I know what it took. As a parent myself I can’t comprehend his actions but I have more empathy as I know now as an adult life isn’t easy. He wasn’t the man he should have been but thank God I made it as fragile as I have been at times due to his absence. I’m here.
Thanks for sharing x
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Thank you for this comment. It’s amazing to see how something can make you a better person. I felt like after last year this was the year to let go of all the things holding me back from being the great writer/artist that I see myself to be. We were never alone and I’m glad I understand that now. Xx
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Okay so my father didn’t do that, but he did leave my mother for the woman he cheated with. Then spent years ignoring the emotional and mental abuse his new wife subjected his “first born” to. Then when I needed him, not for ninety, but just to be a father all I heard were excuses. Then one day, many years later he disappointed my daughter. I heard myself all in her voice when she said he cancelled. Needless to say, mama bear came out and I lost my s**t. He cried. I told him about how I felt and in that moment I truly let go. I gave up on trying. I am glad you shared this. You are a Goddess.
Xoxo
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Thank you for sharing a piece of your story with me. I’m glad that you finally let go. I really appreciate your comments. Xoxo
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This was kind of hard for me to read as it drummed up all kinds of emotions from my personal experience. I am also a fatherless daughter and I think the only thing that used to really bother me was wondering what things could have been like. I’ve seen my sperm donor on facebook with his other children and even seen them sing his good praises, but as far as I’m concerned he’s a deadbeat and he’ll have to answer for that on judgement day. I’d like to think I rarely think of this fool, but I know that his bs ways stick in my mind b/c I’ve made it a point to be sure the men I date are nothing like him. At this point, I pray to marry a man that gives to our children everything he didn’t give to me and know he’ll have to answer for his decision one day.
xo
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It’s amazing to read all these comments and stories from other women like me. It really helps me to see that my story is actually helping other people. I also call mine a sperm donor but I had to block mine from my social media pages because he doesn’t get the right to see that I’m doing great things in life. He was out the reposting my book on twitter and that’s when I finally realized that he is going to try and take credit for raising me. I was like nope lol. We are better off without them, even though it might still hurt. We were given this life because we are strong enough to live it.
Xoxo
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I didn’t even need to read this all the way through. I could stick to the title and already connect. My dad didn’t completely disappear or anything but he lives in a completely different province and would try to see me like once a year but he’d always back out when he’d have to take my younger brother for single trips. I felt bad. I still don’t feel like I have a dad. I’m 21 and when I go, my dad is learning stuff about me from when I was 5 and also treats me like I’m his 5 year old little girl.
It hurt the most when he said if he could do it over again, he wouldn’t ever have children from a different province. Yikes, dude….way to say that to your kid…and kept telling me he’d “help me out” with money and stuff when “i’m older” and no longer with my MOM. Yet, when I was with my mom, that’s when we had no money because she worked 3-4 jobs all my life and had to raise three kids on her own….
Some parents suck, but realizing that only makes me appreciate my mom so much more. We may fight and stuff but I know deep down, she was there through all of my special and bad moments whereas my dad wasn’t and I’m going to have a very hard time growing up and allowing him to really know me.
I just feel like waiting 20 years or something is a little too late. They should have been getting to know us as we grew up…so I don’t have to relive all the good and bad moments just so he can know about them 20 years later. Ughhhhhh
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Yes so true. We didn’t get to pick our parents but I tell you what. They don’t get to know us now because you decided to leave or not be there 20 years ago, that was not our choice but theirs. That’s why I wrote this post to connect with other people with the same issue. It’s amazing to me that fathers are actually living like they didn’t have kids and then turn around and have more kids.
That’s right waiting 20 years is beyond too late, we didn’t just pop up, we’ve been here and are here to stay.
Thank you for commenting and sharing a piece of your journey on my blog.
Xoxo
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Reblogged this on Melodically Happy.
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Cheers girl for being the great person you are!
The post was a very touching one and I don’t think I need to write that for you to know.
Again, I won’t go beyond these words as words couldn’t justify the above mentioned story in a million years 🙂
Happy blogging !
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Thank you for being so honest and open while sharing this! It’s not a reality I could relate to, but you sharing opened my eyes more.
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Thank you for reading. Some of the same things have happened to other people. I’m glad I was able to share without it bothering me anymore.
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Very heart touching post and i know alot of people will be able to relate to this. Thank you for sharing this i know it will inspire someone and also help someone who is in this situation and love your blog
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Thank you for those kind words and for stopping by my blog. I really appreciate it.
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I can completely relate. I have a post similar. Im glad you were finally able to find peace, im still working on that ❤
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You will find peace. It takes time. When you finally let go things will get better for you. It definitely wasn’t an easy process. Thank you for reading. I will check your post out as well.
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I love your inspirational blogs, you really do bring tears to my eyes. I really do wish you the best!
– Candy and Cutie
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Thank you! I really appreciate it. ❤
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I’m really sorry to read this. But I’m in awe of your strength and resilience of your spirit! It takes a lot to let go of something that means so much as a child. You’re right that his behaviour is a reflection on him and not you. Family doesn’t pull that crap! And blood doesn’t make you family, you need to earn that right. Much peace.
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Thank you for reading. I really appreciate your kind words.
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Oh man, this was good! I believe more girls need to open up about what is going on inside of them and have the opportunity to discuss that with fellow bloggers. I had a father that was physically present, but emotionally absent and mentally abusive. I am not sure what is worse, having a father who is present but absent at the same time- although in arms reach, or just not having one there at all. Thank you for being open and vulnerable!
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Thank you for reading.
I feel like your situation is just as bad as not having one present at all. Sometimes even worse because of the abuse. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story as well.
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I sent this to Kit and Meana, my fatherless daughter’s. Not the other 2 because he has been there for them.
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You are courageous!!!
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Thanks for reading and your kind words.
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